Supporting vs. Accusing

I was enjoying some down time today reading the news, and came across an article about the Focus on the Family Superbowl ad featuring Tim and Pam Tebow. In the ad, Pam Tebow is telling the story of her decision 23 years ago to continue a risky pregnancy against the advice of her doctors. She says that Tim almost didn’t make it into this world. Tim enters the scene, playfully, by tackling his mom. He then stands up with her, hugs her, and tells her he loves her too. It was a short and sweet ad, celebrating family.

The article I was reading included this statement from a woman’s advocacy group about the Tebow ad:

The Women's Media Center, which had objected to Focus on the Family advertising in the Super Bowl, said it was expecting a "benign" ad but not the humor. But the group's president, Jehmu Greene, said the tackle showed an undercurrent of violence against women.

Wow. You’re kidding, right? I wonder how Ms. Greene felt about Betty White being tackled in the Snickers ad.

Sometimes when we advocate for a particular cause, we become so self-absorbed we can’t tolerate anyone who has a different perspective. So we attack them. It reminds me of the story in the Matthew 12 when Jesus heals somebody on the Sabbath and is criticized for doing so because it is the Sabbath. In Matthew 12:10 is says “Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they [the Pharisees] asked him. ‘Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?’” But this is what we do when we’re desperately trying to hold onto something that gives us a sense of security. Because we feel threatened by an opposing viewpoint, we look for a reason, any reason, to be right, and for the other person to be wrong.

While I think the comment Ms Green made in the article regarding the commercial is ludicrous, it has given me something to think about for the next several days (weeks or years?). Where am I doing this myself? And what am I trying to hang onto using this strategy? Today, just about every decision we make – whether about educating our children (charter, private, home-school, or public), career (working outside the home, leaving work to raise children, choosing daycare), or even the kind of car we drive (SUV, hybrid, old, new) - somebody is standing by to give us advice on how to do it "right". But what’s best for one family may not be best for another. My hope is that I will be the kind of person who supports others in their choices, rather than behave like a Pharisee, looking for a reason to accuse.

Room for Improvement

Laundry! I just did FIVE loads of laundry, and the baskets are overflowing again with MORE laundry. Sometimes I think the never ending chore of doing laundry is the real curse resulting from The Fall. I mean really…childbirth pains? That’s what epidurals are for! Before Eve ate that apple, she and Adam were prancing around the garden in their birthday suits and all the happier for it. Now, we have to shop for, try on, pay for, wear, and wash all these clothes! Not only that, but we have to worry about whether they’re in style, the right color, fit right, or if they’ll still fit us after the holidays! And let’s not forget worrying about whether or not they are from the right store!

My rant over laundry reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend a couple of years back: it’s all about perspective. As a full time working mom, she “enjoyed” doing laundry. Really? Enjoyed? She got my attention! She told me she used that time to be reminded of the little joys in her life. She loved holding up the size 2T jeans, amazed at how much her son had grown while, at the same time, marveling that any human being could fit into pants so tiny. Sometimes it reminded her to pray for her children, her family or spouse. And others it conjured up memories of a time she enjoyed with her son when he was in those very jeans, or of the good friend who gave her the jeans as a gift.

I try to carry that attitude with me when I am stuck in what I feel is the mundane, one of finding simple pleasures. Really, this is a posture of worship. But it’s easy to slip into the habit of taking things for granted. Until something catastrophic happens. Something like an earthquake strong enough to destroy an entire city, leaving multitudes of people without basic necessities. It snaps me out of “it”, auto pilot, me centeredness. It reminds me to ask the questions that can get pushed aside in the day to day busyness of life. Am I doing enough to help others? Are my children being exposed to enough opportunities to serve others? Am I giving thanks in ALL things to the One from whom ALL blessings flow? As my children’s swim coach would say, “The largest room in the world is room for improvement.” He also says that the first step in improving is recognizing that it's needed. Who exactly is he coaching anyway?

Unexpected Gifts

This morning, I was getting the kids ready for school, running through the things I had to do, and saw my Advent Devotional and Bible sitting on my coffee table next to the couch where I normally spend my quiet time. I thought to myself, “I wish I didn’t have so much to do today so I could just sit and read, pray, and have some quiet time with God.” When I arrived at my daughter’s school, she remembered that she had forgotten her project…due today. Oh yeah, and her lunch too. For some people, not a big deal, (“Just buy lunch today honey!”), but for us, because of special diet restrictions, it meant a trip back home for her lunch (and project while I was at it). So I dropped her off, turned around and headed home, sort of wondering to myself if maybe I had my priorities all wrong today. I got home, grabbed what I needed, and then headed back to school. But instead of heading straight there, I took a detour to Starbucks. After getting back into my car with my favorite coffee beverage in hand (grande extra hot non-fat latte with one splenda), it wouldn’t start. Enter Triple A, who tells me my starter is dead, gets my car started, and sends me on my way. After leaving the project and lunch at school (leaving the car running) and arriving at the Honda dealer, I learn that I will not have transportation again until the next day. There goes that “to do” list, right out the window. Once home, sitting on the sofa with my devotional, Bible and journal, I thought, sometimes God delivers things in the most unexpected ways…freedom from a "to do" list by way of no transportation…and freedom from a life apart from Him by way of a virgin, a baby, and a manger.

Forgetfulness

Our church small group is studying temperaments in an effort to better understand those in our lives, the goal being to have stronger marriages, be better parents, and serve those we love more effectively by being aware of and respecting the differences in our temperaments. Maybe you’ve met the four temperaments…Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic. To discover which temperament you possess, you are given a scoring sheet which contains groups of words, four in each group, and asked to choose one word from each group that best describes you. For example, are you Playful, Persuasive, Persistent, or Peaceful? Are you Demonstrative, Decisive, Deep, or Dry Humor? Not only does it give you a list of strengths to choose from, but also a list of weaknesses…which, of course, we all like to avoid thinking about. Are you Brassy, Bossy, Bashful, or Blank? I wasn’t sure what it meant to be blank… so I assumed it did not apply to me. (I learned it meant showing no attention, interest, or emotion. Seriously, I had to look that up because it seemed so obvious I figured I had it wrong.) My favorite group is, are you Forgetful, Frank, Fussy, or Fearful? Hmmm. How about all four depending on the circumstances?

I had to think about that one. Am I forgetful? I can’t remember the last time I forgot something. But of course, if I remembered forgetting it, does that count? But seriously, I must admit, this is one of my weaknesses. Let’s take birthdays, for example. Unless you live with me, you should never expect to receive your birthday card on time. I just don’t remember birthdays. Now people tell me there are things you can use to remember things like that…they are called calendars. But, here’s the problem with that. You have to remember to look at the calendar, and there are days that I forget to do that! But what about electronic reminders…things you can set up in your Outlook tickler file, or on an internet service or Facebook? Well, that would speak to one of my other areas of weakness…being haphazard, which means characterized by lack of order or planning, by irregularity, or by randomness.

So in doing this exercise, I tried to think of one good aspect of being forgetful (motivated by the need to feel better about myself…you know that old cliche about presenting your weaknesses as strengths in job interviews?). And I found one. I don’t hold grudges, or put another way, I am quick to forgive and forget. I mean, to hold a grudge, you have to remember what somebody did to hurt you…and so suddenly, being forgetful becomes a plus! Sticking with the birthday example, I usually don’t remember or notice who forgets my birthday (unless he is married to me), but am deeply touched when somebody remembers. Which I guess is why I really need to work harder at remembering these things, because it makes others feel loved. But just for the record, if I forget it’s your birthday, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because of my temperament. Of course, that’s not an excuse…but it is a reality…one that makes me even more grateful for grace and forgiveness.

Refining Moments

Yeah, you read it right. The title is Refining Moments, not Defining Moments. It’s not a typo. Since refining is the process of purifying a substance that is almost in a usable form to a cleaner more usable form, it captures the essence of what I know is true. That I am in a constant state of change, being separated from my worldly, contaminated self, into the likeness of Christ, so that I can be of some use in this world. It is a delicate and lengthy process (longer for some of us than others), one that requires attention, intention, patience, and special guidance. Unlike a defining moment, where you have some major revelation about your direction, purpose, or even past mistakes, refining moments are the smaller, more subtle times that are used together for the purpose of converting us into something better. If you happen upon my blog, you’ll discover that these are just the ordinary thoughts of a woman who is willing to submit herself to constant scrutiny and inspection by an Authority greater than all others, in hopes of learning, growing, and attempting to reflect the perfect love of Jesus to others. It’s here that I hope to capture some of those tiny moments that have left a lasting impression on me. Perhaps I’ll celebrate a time when I saw the reflection of my Refiner in another, or retell a special or funny moment I experienced with somebody I love. Maybe they’ll be times that remind me I’m not using the full power available to me in my daily challenges, or extending to others the grace that’s been extended to me. There will surely be many stories of where I have fallen so very short of the mark. Whatever you find, I hope it encourages you.