Forgetfulness

Our church small group is studying temperaments in an effort to better understand those in our lives, the goal being to have stronger marriages, be better parents, and serve those we love more effectively by being aware of and respecting the differences in our temperaments. Maybe you’ve met the four temperaments…Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic. To discover which temperament you possess, you are given a scoring sheet which contains groups of words, four in each group, and asked to choose one word from each group that best describes you. For example, are you Playful, Persuasive, Persistent, or Peaceful? Are you Demonstrative, Decisive, Deep, or Dry Humor? Not only does it give you a list of strengths to choose from, but also a list of weaknesses…which, of course, we all like to avoid thinking about. Are you Brassy, Bossy, Bashful, or Blank? I wasn’t sure what it meant to be blank… so I assumed it did not apply to me. (I learned it meant showing no attention, interest, or emotion. Seriously, I had to look that up because it seemed so obvious I figured I had it wrong.) My favorite group is, are you Forgetful, Frank, Fussy, or Fearful? Hmmm. How about all four depending on the circumstances?

I had to think about that one. Am I forgetful? I can’t remember the last time I forgot something. But of course, if I remembered forgetting it, does that count? But seriously, I must admit, this is one of my weaknesses. Let’s take birthdays, for example. Unless you live with me, you should never expect to receive your birthday card on time. I just don’t remember birthdays. Now people tell me there are things you can use to remember things like that…they are called calendars. But, here’s the problem with that. You have to remember to look at the calendar, and there are days that I forget to do that! But what about electronic reminders…things you can set up in your Outlook tickler file, or on an internet service or Facebook? Well, that would speak to one of my other areas of weakness…being haphazard, which means characterized by lack of order or planning, by irregularity, or by randomness.

So in doing this exercise, I tried to think of one good aspect of being forgetful (motivated by the need to feel better about myself…you know that old cliche about presenting your weaknesses as strengths in job interviews?). And I found one. I don’t hold grudges, or put another way, I am quick to forgive and forget. I mean, to hold a grudge, you have to remember what somebody did to hurt you…and so suddenly, being forgetful becomes a plus! Sticking with the birthday example, I usually don’t remember or notice who forgets my birthday (unless he is married to me), but am deeply touched when somebody remembers. Which I guess is why I really need to work harder at remembering these things, because it makes others feel loved. But just for the record, if I forget it’s your birthday, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because of my temperament. Of course, that’s not an excuse…but it is a reality…one that makes me even more grateful for grace and forgiveness.